Over on his Stack, my boss1 (who has some experience in the matter) has been talking about situational awareness, which is near and dear to my heart. I am in no way, shape, or form as skilled as he is in the matter; but I’m at least aware that I should be aware, if that makes sense.
In his latest article, Ian2 branched out to talk about women’s self-defense:
I’ve also been following Mrs. Emma Walz on Facebook recently, where she has been doing a series of videos on “Crap My Cop Dad Taught Me To Keep Me From Getting Trafficked”3 (Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, and Six). As she says there at the start of it all, “Some of you have the self-preservation instincts of a golden retriever.”4
Having some experience with this subject for a couple of reasons, I’ll say that neither of them are saying anything shocking or new. At least, not to me.
My wife & I assist a friend who does a hapkido-based women’s self-defense class. It’s 3-4 hours, and the actual techniques are (IMHO) secondary. The primary takeaways we try to leave them with are:
Situational awareness5, and
Yes please use your voice, and
Situational awareness, and
The idea that you can fight back (and must fight back) instead of being dragged off wherever6, and
Situational awareness
You may notice a theme there.
No, we are not teaching waif-fu. I mention that because of the startling number of people who think “women’s self defense” means “teaching women to fight and defeat men.” Nope. If that’s what you are looking for, if that is what you think you might need, learn a formal martial art (hapkido or judo).7
Our technique is rooted in some of the base concepts use in hapkido, but that’s where the similarity ends. I say “technique”, singular, because while there’s a number of holds we talk about, the breaks we teach are based on two simple movements. They are about using surprise and leverage to break common holds. The focus is teaching the women that they can break those holds and get away from an attacker.
Note: not fight an attacker. We do cover strikes (punch, heel-palm, scoop kicks) but those are for familiarization and to instill confidence. We always emphasize that if everything has gone to hell in a hand basket, the goal is to break a hold and get to safety.
More to the point, though (and I think Ian and Mrs. Walz would both agree with me here): we repeatedly emphasize that what we are teaching the ladies are intended to be measures of last resort, because the absolutely best way to win a struggle8 is to never be in one. And that best way to ensure that you’re never in that situation?
Situational awareness.
Go. Read. Learn.
And make us all happy by putting your dang phone away in the parking lot, okay?
Well, one of ‘em. I have a few.
The footnotes here are a tribute to his particular style, just FYI. :)
Yes, she talks about other stuff there, like (oh noes!) her Christian beliefs and how they impact her marriage. The horror. This is your reminder that you do not have to agree with everyone on everything.
If you have ever owned a golden retriever, you know exactly what she means.
Next time around, I shall be including lessons from Ian and Mrs. Walz that are well worth inclusion. Thus illustrating another reminder: that people who are not 100% perfect can learn and grow from interaction with others, even on these inerwebz.
Trust me: you do not want let someone relocate you. This is a Very Bad Thing. We cover the difference between a resource predator and a process predator because you need to know they are not the same and must be dealt with differently.
Even then, you will not be an equal to most men. Sorry. Overall mass, strength, and leverage makes a huge difference. The biggest thing that formal training will get you is confidence and the skills you need to use the tools you have to strike effectively if you absolutely must.
We’re talking to the women here. See above. When it’s male-on-female violence, you are almost assuredly going to be smaller and weaker than your predator, because that is what they are looking for. So you’re not going to be in a fight, you’re going to be in a struggle. Understand that and adjust your attitude and strategies accordingly.
First time I traveled overseas for my employer, I was required to go through a course on maintaining situational awareness and what to do if I did find myself kidnapped. All of the simple things - look around, don't booze up - are easy to remember. Some of the more peculiar ones - being able to see the rear wheels of the car in front of you when you come to a stop at a light so that you can escape to one side or the other - required reprogramming from what I'd done for years.
Situational awareness is what everyone, especially writers, should practice daily. Knowing that danger is everywhere forces you to focus, and writers have a natural talent of seeing what others miss. The next natural step is to train to fight and survive, another talent demanding constant practice. The aim is to steadily improve one's prowess at living in the moment while working toward future goals, a reliable path for becoming a more successful and better person and writer.