House goblins. Domestic quadrupeds. Yard wolves and inside lions. Whatever you call ‘em, we voluntarily share space with these creatures for some reason. Why, exactly? Sometimes I wonder. Other times, I pick up a twelve pound sack of pure purring happiness while I’ve got an adoring yard wolf trying to sit on my feet, and the question answers itself.
Meet Hines, our Elder House Goblin. Ignore the food, twigs, leaves, and whatnot caught in his beard. That’s just his way of telling us he enjoyed his breakfast. Hines is the old man of the house. He’s vocal, cranky, and always happy for a quick snuggle. We’re pretty sure he’s some sort of Russian Blue, but we’ve never had him checked. He is our prototypical house goblin, the ur-Cat from which all other Cats take their cues.
Next up is Loki! Loki lives up to her name. She’s one of the tiniest cats I’ve ever seen, maybe five pounds soaking wet. She’s teensy! She’s also very much a cat. If she’s going to snuggle you, it’s on her terms. Which have gotten a bit more lenient as she’s grown older. Maybe with a little lick if she’s feeling particularly generous. She may look unbearably adorable in this picture, but she’s also one of our top critter eradicators. Mice, moles, bird, you name it, she’s on it.
Narratively speaking, who is Loki without Thor? Yes, you guessed it - that’s our resident hunk of dumb blondness giving us a lovely little mlem. After we got Thor, he contracted FIP, and nearly died. My wife wasn’t about to let that happen, and got in touch with a network of cat owners, vet techs, and vets that helped her do off-label treatment for him. The little guy recovered, and is now fifteen pounds of muscle and mischief. Of the two, you might think it would be Loki causing trouble, but no - it’s Thor and his new-found zest for life. The little dude always wants to wrestle and play with the other cats, and that excitement is not always reciprocated.
Last of the house lions is Squatch, who came to us at the same time as Thor. He was emaciated and sway-backed. As you can see, we’ve done our solid best to fatten him up, and he is now our #1 Hefty Chonk Boi. He’s also a polydactyl, so yes - he had thumbs. He doesn’t like it when you play with them, really, and he absolutely does not like Nose Boops. He’s pretty skittish when he’s down on the floor, but if you can get him up on something - a chair, a bed, or a couch - he’s a regal old king on his throne, happy to receive skritchins.
Last, but not least, is Fezzik, our yard wolf Pittie-Boxer mix. Yes, he is named for the gentle giant in the Princess Bride, because that’s who he is. He may look imposing, but he’s an absolute marshmallow who wants nothing more than to lean against you and sit on your feet. So long as you’re a Hoomin or a house lion, that is. If you are some variation of a Bird, Birb, Borb, or Blorb, then he considers you pure evil incarnate and deserving of death. Of course, they can fly while he can’t, so he basically barks at the wind to express continual frustration with not being able to rid the world of avian threats.
How many house quadrupeds do y’all have? I’d love to see some pictures of your favorite little house goblins!
If you’re wondering why we have four cats, it’s because my wife insists that you do not get into “crazy cat lady” territory until you have five cats. (We have, at times, had five cats; at which times, my wife insisted that one of the felines was actually mine, thereby neatly dodging the CCL designation.)
If you’re wondering why we have one dog, it’s because I’ve not been able to sneak another one into the house yet. My daughter and I plot off and on about how to make that happen. We’d really like to present her with the fait accompli of an irresistibly cute Corgi pup at some point, but the opportunity for that has not presented itself yet. One of these days, though…
In the meantime, I write…
The Business of Writing
A mid-week update on my three major commitments: to write, to edit, and to read.
I missed my update last week. Things have been a bit busy. Despite that, I’ve been doing my best to keep on plugging.
I’ve got the beginning and the end of a Car Wars story done. Now, all I need is the ‘splodey bits in the middle. I’ll admit to a bit of trepidation about writing that portion of the story. That is the part that needs to capture the spirit of Car Wars, and while I know of the game and I’ve read a lot about the game, I’ve never actually played. Fortunately, I’ve got a couple of folks in my writing group who have, so at least I’ve got some subject matter experts to bounce things off of.
My wife and I sent out the first round of rejections for the Tull anthology. That was hard. Seriously. I think it took me three hours to get a score of emails out. I wanted to make sure that each one was personal and encouraging. Just because a story wasn’t right for us, doesn’t mean that it was a bad story. I really wanted to get that across to folks.
Now we’re doing a detailed read-through of the remaining 30+ stories and taking notes as we go. We are definitely not doing any line or copy editing at this point. If I had to describe what we’re doing, it’s more of a quick read and a light structural critique. We will (hopefully!) get those off to folks soon.
I’ll have to do an AAR on the reading/editing. Some patterns that I’m seeing, though, that I want to keep in mind with my own writing…
Lead with your best line. A lot of stories seem to have outstanding lines on page two or three, just when the action starts! Which tells me…
Write your intro, get to the start of the story, then cut out the intro. You may use bits of it later, but a lot of scene setting is really unnecessary. Sprinkle it through your story.
Character - Conflict - Choice - Consequences. I’m surprised how many stories are missing one of these elements, or (for example) have a choice that’s there, but not as clear as it could be.
Rein in the flashbacks, please. Especially in short stories, linear time is your friend.
Reflecting on the theme of the day: the right and proper spelling of the word is "skritch". As in “skritches”, “skritchins”, etc. Accept no substitutes.
Other Stuff
I said “things have been a bit busy” above. Part of that has been dealing with the results of my stress test. The good news? No damage to my heart. The bad news? I do have a bit of a blockage in an artery. Not the sort of thing you can ignore safely, which means I need to do something…
Which is why I consulted with two cardiologists from different practices last week. They both think that my situation is one that can be medically managed - no real need even for a heart cath. After discussion with my PCP, we’ve got a plan of attack that includes a few more tests (bloodwork, echocardiogram, angio CT). If those show no other issues, we’ll start treatment with statins and see how that goes. I’ve had some bad reactions to statins in the past, though, so we may need to shift to a different treatment plan, depending on how that goes. We’ll see.
One thing everyone agrees on: I need to shift to a heart-healthy diet. Which means much less red meat, a lot more fish and vegetables… and no bacon.
No bacon.
Weep for me, my friends; for while I was merely older last week, I am now Officially Old. Ah, well. I need to keep myself around to give the house quadrupeds fed, I suppose, and properly skritched.
See you all next week!
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I enjoyed reading this as I do all of your Perceptions. You have quite the full house. All my critters are outdoor peeps. My dog's fenced in run is an L-shape and one hundred feet long. Her space is the DCZ (dead critter zone) for any wild animals attempting to get through her to our raptors (buck bucks). Bubby, my mom's purring ball of hair, keeps most mice from sneaking into my sanctuary.
Take care of your heart. We only get one of them boogers.
Long haul, Sam. And someday, someone will invent bacon that tastes good, yet doesn't have all thr crap in it. 🤞